so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
