Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know her cup size but not her name....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
