sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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