Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
