i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
