Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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