Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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