She announced her abortion via fbk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
