She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
