I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
