She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
