she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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