why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
