hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
