I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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