last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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