I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
