No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
