I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
