I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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