Having a random hookup so left but love u
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
