i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
