she woke up with a sticky ear
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
