it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
