If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
