A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
