So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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