Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sext me about skeletons
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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