You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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