using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
