Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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