Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
