similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
