I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize