I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
