Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
