Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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