My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
