So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
as a side note pls kill me
My vagina is very pro this idea
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