I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
