I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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