Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
