I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
