the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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