it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
