is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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