Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
