wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
