sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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