Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
