just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
