You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
