Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
