DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
