should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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