The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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