Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
