Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
