When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
