i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
