I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
