Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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