very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We left an ass print on the piano.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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