just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
