If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
