I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
