he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The best revenge is premature balding
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
