Swine flu. Run for my life!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
