How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He felt like a one man threesome
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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