the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
