i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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