I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
