im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
