What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
